.idallas.com

And what gets me down? Some people just can’t seem to see past their nose. They can’t forget about their initial reaction to something to get down to the real meaning there. Does a stinky baby want to smell bad? Probably not… it probably just needs a little help.

I think someone with a stinky mind or a stinky way of thinking about things is in the same sort of state… They just need a little helping airing things out. Sometimes you just have to think a thought through before you realize how dumb it is. Sometimes, I say something… and everyone just sort of looks at me, and I’m like, “where’d that come from? … Third grade or something?” Sometimes I get something stuck in my head, and then it never comes up for a really long time so I never re-evaulate it with all the new things I’ve had going through my mind since then.

I think a lot. I actually mark time a bit by how many things I’ve thought during the increment…. Time doesn’t seem to be moving if I’m not thinking. It moves for real, but not in idallas-space… And that makes me feel like I’m wasting time.

I don’t much like to waste time.
I do seem to like talking about myself a lot, though. Who wants to read about that?

I really do believe that people can live together and share thoughts and ideas and make love in peace and universal harmony. I really do. Sometimes, I start to wonder… but then I find some amazing new person or thing or hear some wonderful new music, or see some mesmerizing new movie… It just takes something beautiful like that to remind me that there really is more than just my worldly worries. It’s not that things are perfect or anything, but maybe my problems really don’t matter a whole lot at all…

The only thing that really does matter, I guess, is my own happiness. I don’t know how to define that sort of thing, though… and my logical mind can’t deal with undefined quantities… or something. I don’t know how to work towards something I can’t imagine.

I guess maybe I’m not supposed to imagine it, though. I think maybe I’m just supposed to be it. Just be, right? Yeah, hah. easy.

Why do we have to feel insufficient to have the motivation to drive toward greatness? It seems to be one of the great tragedies… I guess it’s actually the tragedy. All the great men and women can’t be happy. And all the onlookers can’t be happy either, because they want everything the greats don’t appreciate and they know they’ll never have it.

There are a lot of very beautiful and amazing people around.. and I think I might even know some of them. Sometimes, I just sort of think about how crazy about some of my friends I am. I guess a lot of people probably feel pretty close to the people around them, but just what is that feeling? That camaraderie thing?

I notice it more when music is playing… and when the people around me are not minding each other’s faults.

rain
and sun
come on me

I open my mouth
and my eyes
and let your beauty inside
me

catapult
my mind
far from here

floating
high up
above you and yours

caring
less and less
the more I watch

falling
maybe so
do I care?

I have faith in myself. I try to anyway. I am the power that’s keeping the lamp beside me turned on late into the night so I can think to myself and come up with the strange-o-rama things to say. And do you think to yourself why you keep coming back here? I know I might say something quite catching every other time or two, but mostly I don’t say much at all really.

I just sort of beat around a very interesting bush. And I guess maybe you think I might figure out something a little more interesting about the bush by being near it… And perhaps I suppose that might be so.

I think mostly you are just liking the fact that you end up coming up with other new and interesting thoughts about the bush on your own. You should email me those thoughts, so I can have them, too! Don’t be a thought hog!

I am a snob. I like to come up with ideas and pretend I am sharing, but how can I really be sharing ideas unless you have a way to share, too?

You could just send me email… but I could just throw it away… and that’s probably what I’d do … ahaggghaha.

I did a Special Sauce. Whoo!

Mesmerize

mesmerize me
with your angel eyes
and your delicate caress.
ignite my forgotten senses
and tempt my unexplored desires.
make me believe in ghosts
and secret spirits of the night.
Fill my mind
with realized fantasies
and neglected obligations.
turn me and my world
around and upside down.
remind me what it feels like
to remember and forget all at once.
cast a glance my way,
and pause a moment too long
and an eternity too short,
just once.

Spout

spout your nonsense
a little louder
if you please

my own fear
of failure and consequence
tends to clog my ears