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The things in my head go round and round, round and round, round and round. The things in my head go round and round, all night long.

And still I can’t figure out what I’m trying to formulate… and I fear it’s because I don’t want to come to the answer that seems obvious. I can’t bring myself to decide something I don’t want to be.

So, instead I just analyze over and over and recalculate and attempt to determine where I might be wrong. And then eventually I just decide I don’t really know, even though I might.

I just play games with myself and it really does suck up a whole lot of time.

I connected with some people last night. I don’t really connect as deeply as I used to… I think things are going on in my life that don’t really have analogs in some of the other lives around me. I’m starting to need to seek out the people that I really can relate with. They are out there… but I set things up in such a way that I relate with one person on one level and another person on another level and I just keep spacing it out like that so I don’t have to worry about releasing the innards of my heart to any single person. Or something, I guess.

I think perhaps I put a little too much thought into my every action. It’s starting to restrict my growth as a person… Although I am coming to a lot of interesting conclusions about the human condition. whoo.

I know that I can talk about what bothers me and there are people out there that want to listen to me and care about what I’m feeling. I’m not always sure why those people are so strange like that, but I still appreciate it.

I also know, though, that there are 100 million people that don’t know what I’m talking about and don’t care to know for every person that does.

There’s some odds for ya. I’m a gambling man.

technology is just another bogus religion. It promises to be the bringer of all you need and really only causes more problems than it can ever fix.

That seems pretty pessimistic to me, and I guess it probably is, but it’s just hard to shake the feeling that we’re just spinning along, feeling the wind in our face, and not really noticing what we’re riding over…

It’s easy to get caught up in things, I guess. You have to try to stay aware and awake while doing it, though, so you can tell other people what it’s like so they can maybe try to not get caught up in it when it gets to them. Eventually, someone will figure it out, right?

I was just dreaming about something I’ve dreamed before. I like it when that happens. It feels like maybe there is something else going on somewhere.

In this dream, I am standing in an official office of some sort, like maybe a post office. There’s a counter and a bunch of people waiting in line. Up on the wall are a bunch of big posters, with words printed on them in a typewriter sort of font (like courier, probably). The posters seem to be segments of a Kurt Vonnegut story I haven’t read. There are also some other posters with other things printed on them. A few tell the story of a local 16 year old boy who runs the local computer repair place. It tells me he saved up for a year to get his new G4 450 (whoo!), and it also mentions that “other computers are just beers”. Sort of funny. Pro-mac dream.

The Kurt Vonnegut story is interesting, too… I guess I just made it up, but there isn’t a whole lot to it.

Mostly the dream just seems to be telling me that I’m staring at words on the wall while the world is shuffling about around me.

So.
The real world is shuffling by me while I’m just paying attention to imaginary ones. That might be. But I don’t really know what’s so desirable about the real world. I don’t know what’s so darn good about “real”.

Technology talks seem to go nowhere most of the time. I’m really starting to tire of it all, I think. I still actively participate, for sure… but I think I might start letting them just wander on without me…. That is unless I want to start being a more active part in the whole scene.

I got my old Amiga 500 back out of storage!
Whee! It hadn’t been booted up for probably six years, but it started right up! Crazy beans. Fun fun fun living in the past…

Modern Interpretation.
It leaves something to be desired,
when it comes to talk of money and politics.

The thoughts I have known and loved,
continue to circle around in my head,
despite my best attempts to remember and forget.

The loves I have felt
will never leave me be, either.
They are here to see me green and
humble.