idallassleeping less and reading more

Vida had surgery on her ankle on Wednesday afternoon and I’ve been nursing her since then. She’s been in a great deal of pain even with the extra-powerful pain pills she’s been taking every 4 hours. She’s also been having trouble keeping down food of pretty much any kind.

I’ve been finding it very difficult to watch her in such pain. It’s making me be uncharacteristically emotional. She’s being the strong one. I’ve been doing what I can to make sure she has what she needs to be as comfortable as possible. I’ve been on vacation for the past 2 days so I could do that, but I’m going to be working tomorrow so we’ll see how that goes.

She was in pain pretty much constantly for 4 months before this surgery, so it is a good thing overall. Once she’s all healed up, she’ll be back to normal. It’s only been a day and a half so far and I’m assuming it’s going to get easier. I hope so, anyway. phew!

I just saw the 1983 movie, The Outsiders. It features a whole slew of people who went on to become stars. It’s the story of a rivalry between the poor greasers from the north side of town and the rich socs (as in ’social’) from the south side. Everyone but me had already seen it, I think.

Anyway, it got me thinking about the value of life and the importance of living each day as much like you want to as you can get away with. There’s always going to be things you don’t want to do that you just have to do, but there’s also going to be plenty of times you can spend any way you want. Make those ‘any way you want’ times really count. Appreciate what’s around you and take advantage of it.

Ok, sap off. The movie also reminded me of my own high school experience and the lines between different people. Those lines didn’t need to be there, but I guess in some ways they just made everyone a little bit more comfortable. That seems ok to me as long as you see the lines for what they are and don’t come to rely on them. It’s like training wheels on a bicycle… they keep you from skinning your elbows, but they also look sorta stupid and make an annoying noise while you’re riding your bike. So, just think of the training wheels.

This is a thought that has struck me in my personal life several times, but it has been of more importance recently and has been coming up in casual conversations with other people.

It seems as if I have to feel like I am accomplishing something meaningful or I start to get very antsy and have trouble being content doing what I’m doing. I have this hunger for accomplishment. And it’s not just me…

I’ve heard other people talk about how happy they are be in school, or to even just know that they are going to school. If they see the ‘light’ of school (in this case) at the end of the tunnel, they are more ok with following their path through the tunnel and being generally happy with it. I’m hearing comments like, “This isn’t exactly what I want to be doing, but as long as I know it’s on the right path, it makes me so happy.”

That happy place can be many things for many people, of course. Some people like being in school and soaking up the knowledge and energy around them. Some people like traveling or experiencing new and wondrous things. Some people just like meeting new people they can relate to.

I don’t know why it is that so many Americans seem to have trouble making their own personal happiness a priority. I have enough trouble managing this myself so I won’t be doing anything to help the world here. You’re on your own.