Some Thoughts I thought on 09.29.98:
I saw another movie. It was called Next Stop Wonderland. It's funny. It's a romantic comedy kinda thing. It's not sappy like most of the more hollywood movies of its kind. It's funny and sincere. That's not what I'm going to talk about, though.
A big theme in that movie was the common idea that a woman can't be happy alone. It's the notion that any woman sitting by herself anywhere anytime is looking for a sweet man to come talk to her. That is not true, of course, but I do know lots of women, otherwise strong and independent, who do always seem to need the crutch of a man or some sort of relationship. Most guys, on the other hand, would maybe like to have a crutch like that, but it just doesn't seem possible. In Next Stop Wonderland, the main character is a woman who is alone after a recent breakup, and she's trying to convince herself that she doesn't need a man and that she can be happy by herself. She tries to convince the people around her (her mother in particular) that she is happy and content and all that, but she doesn't look all that happy, still. She also notices the other women on the subway and in the bar around her. Most of them don't look happy, either.
It made me start to think about people and happiness and what makes people happy and what makes me happy and that sort of thing. I have trouble with this topic because I don't know what it is that makes me happy. I can maybe name some things that do tend to make me happy more often that not. I could probably do that. I could also probably name some times when I have definitely been happy. I think I could do that, too. I can't figure out what the pattern is that ties those things together, though. I generally don't expect to be happy, and I'm usually quite surprised when it happens. It's a cool and interesting twist to an otherwise normal day. A good mood.
In the movie, they are connecting that good mood thing with relationships. I guess the relationships people have do tend to focus pretty strongly in their lives for the most part. When a relationship starts to turn sour or just up and turns to shit, it's really hard to maintain that perky grin. Those feelings are just going to show. And I don't think it makes any sense to hold that in. A lot of people do because they don't want to bring everyone else down... That's reasonable, but you won't bring another person down all that much. Everyone has their own shit to deal with and they're all worried about what they need to be worried about. I'm sure your friends care about you, but they won't get down too much. I have also noticed that each time I tell something that's bothering me to somebody else, it makes it bother me a little bit less. It lets it out toward the surface just that little bit so it can't sit and fester inside you forever and ever.
So, the moral of this story is... the key to happiness is tell everyone else all of your
problems and let them tell their problems to you. Don't worry too much about other people's problems,
though, or you'll just end up worse. And don't worry about what everyone on the bus is thinking.
Mind your own damn business. Otherwise, you'll just go nuts.