Some Thoughts I thought on 03.19.99:

Los Angeles is a lonely city. I have had a problem coping with that. It's very big and nobody really cares about very many other people. The whole city is divided up into several different areas, and the people who live in those areas are divided up even farther into their own little groups and sections. And there are lots of famous rich people here, too. They mostly just stick to themselves because otherwise they end up spending all of their time trying to end conversations that other people want to start with them. What a terrible life to live.

So they spend their time sleeping with beautiful people and doing drugs to pass the time. Not all of them do that, of course, but that's what most people seem to think. Most people seem to want to be famous, despite all of the shortcomings associated with such a thing. Many boys I know seem to think it'd be worth it just so they could possibly touch Alyssa Milano one day. Boys are so silly.

But I suppose everything I am saying is nothing new. I saw L.A. Story again the other day... at the end Steve Martin remarks about how there really is romance deep in the heart of L.A. I believe that might be the case, but I wouldn't really know for sure. I don't know much about romance. I'm just a baby. I can hope, though. I am finding myself entrenched deeper and deeper within this city all the time. It was a quicker transition at first, but I am starting to have difficulty imagining myself moving. I will move one day, though.

I have to. I can't let myself grow old in a city that doesn't care about me. I think I should probably move to a smaller community. I will have to give up everything wonderful about this large city, though... music, entertainment, exciting people... and I suppose I will have to also give up all the things terrible about this city... gross wealth, apathy, the utter lack of real compassion. People here are forced to be cut-throat... or they seem to feel like they must be cut-throat... or maybe the sad truth is that this is an evil city.

That thought is not a new one to me. It's not a new one at all. Lots of people have an intense hatred for Los Angeles. It's a tough town, but there's as many things to love as there are to hate. As least people don't mess with each other too much here... I guess.

But. I live in Los Angeles. Paradise to the stars. And I can't seem to escape. I don't know if I ever will.

daily beating || daily blessing || weekly shine